Overcoming "The Good Child" Syndrome

²⁵"Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. ²⁶So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ²⁷‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’ ²⁸“The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. ²⁹But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. ³⁰But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’ ³¹“ ‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. ³²But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ ” Luke 15:25‭-‬32 NIV

The Good Child Syndrome

This is not a medical term. For the sake of this post, I used this term to describe how the older brother (that is, the good son) reacted when his father threw a party for the prodigal son. (Luke 15:11-32)

• angry (v. 28)
• dismissive (v. 28)
• entitled (v. 29)
• jealous (v. 30)

People with "the good child" syndrome points out their own merits to justify their own pride, jealousy, and self-righteousness, making it seem like an action springing from goodness. They do right, they are obedient, they reject sins, but are ready to use these as the standard to discredit other believers.

¹Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ²“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— ³“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” ⁴Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1‭-‬4 NIV

People with "the good child" syndrome are...

1. Fully obedient to instructions.

²⁹But he answered his father, "Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends." Luke 15:29 NIV (emphasis added)

God wants His children to be obedient.

Obedience is a good thing, but it becomes unhealthy when one expects everyone to be as obedient as he/she is.

"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky" Philippians 2:12‭-‬13‭, ‬15 NIV

It is unhealthy when one loses his sight on eternity over another brother or sister who is not as obedient as he is. Obedience that God requires is one that focuses on Him, not on others.

When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” John 21:21‭-‬22 NIV

Be an obedient child of God, but don't use your obedience as the barometer of who God should save and not.

2. Zealously respectful to authority.

But he answered his father, "Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends." Luke 5:29 NIV (emphasis added)

It is true that God desires that we zealously love Him.

• Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. Matthew 22:37‭-‬38 NIV

However, it becomes unhealthy when our zealous love becomes more important than God Himself.

• ¹Another time Jesus went into the synagogue, and a man with a shriveled hand was there. ²Some of them were looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, so they watched him closely to see if he would heal him on the Sabbath. ³Jesus said to the man with the shriveled hand, “Stand up in front of everyone.” ⁴Then Jesus asked them, “Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?” But they remained silent. ⁵He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored. ⁶Then the Pharisees went out and began to plot with the Herodians how they might kill Jesus. Mark 3:1‭-‬6 NIV

They were zealous in keeping the Sabbath, even to the point of not glorifying God of the miracle that had happened. They could not celebrate what God has done because they were stuck to the idea that Jesus should have been more like them - putting their zealousness over God's work.

3. Rejects what is evil.

³⁰"But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!" Luke 15:30 NIV

The older son could not celebrate the return of his lost brother because he chose to focus on the wrong things he has done.

• Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Romans 12:9 NIV

Jesus has always been clear about addressing sin, but loving the sinner.

Look at these passages.

• But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 NIV

• For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16 NIV

Addressing sin becomes unhealthy when we hate the sinner. As believers, we hate what is evil but we must love those whom Jesus Christ died for.

Even if we possess all these good traits of a responsible child, it will come to nothing IF it becomes more important than the saving of the lost. This is the good child syndrome.

How do we overcome "the good child syndrome"? Let us learn from the father's wisdom.

1. Be confident of your position in God.

• “ My son," the father said, "you are always with me, and everything I have is yours." Luke 15:31 NIV

• ¹⁶The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. ¹⁷Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. Romans 8:16‭-‬17 NIV

When you are secured of the fact that you are a child of God, nothing can move you.

2. Rejoice with what is celebrated in heaven.

• "But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.” Luke 15:32 NIV

The father said, "WE had to celebrate," not "I should celebrate." He wants all of his household to celebrate the return of someone who was once lost.

In the same manner, God wants us to celebrate the return of someone who strayed away from Him.

• I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent. Luke 15:7 NIV

3. Love the ones whom Jesus died for.

Just as we are recipients of God's grace, everyone deserves a chance at that very same grace. Therefore we must love them if we are to share them the good news of salvation in Jesus.

• And the second is like it: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22:39 NIV

• Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Romans 12:15‭-‬16 NIV

• Do everything in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14 NIV

Conclusion

Jesus' forgiveness is open for all. It is not up to us to decide who gets forgiven and who does not.